Beonard's Losers

2007, Week 2

Howdy, football fans. Well who would have seen last weekend coming? There were plenty of losers, of course -- half of the teams that played on Saturday ended up with a loss. But only one team go The Loss. At the end of last season, there were a few rumbles of Wolverine discontent with Lloyd Carr. After the fans in the Big House saw the home team take a stunning loss to a I-AA opponent, the noise can be heard all the way up here in my hay loft. What will the Michigan loyal be saying come Saturday night? Let's have a look at this weekends's games.

Oregon at Michigan
Mike Bellotti leads his flock into the Big House to take on the Ann Arbor mustelids. The Wolverines normally feel very secure when prowling their home territory, but a rough run-in with some Mountaineers. The Ducks have experience pecking at carnivorous mammals, having sent the Cougars home bleeding last week. It's rare to think that Michigan might suffer a second consecutive home loss, even more rare to have that thought in the beginning of the season. This game will define the rest of the seaon for a team that expected to compete for a national championship, and they'll need to have their duck guns loaded. Beonard's Loser, in a close one: Michigan

Akron at Ohio State
After out-maneuvering Army last weekend, the Zips head into Columbus to try and zap Jim Tressel's nuts. The angry acorns don't usually lose to in-state opponents, and they sure don't take kindly to getting upstaged in the Horseshoe. Akron may have a chance at the MAC, but they don't have much hope this Saturday. Beonard's Loser: Akron

Nevada at Northwestern
The Evanston kitties are fresh off a drubbing of the mutts from Boston, and they look forward to hosting a pack of wolves from Reno. It's hard to respect a carnivore that can't even get a kill. Now, there ain't no shame in losing to Nebraska, but thinking that this team will win this game is just WACky. Beonard's Loser: Nevada

Bowling Green at Michigan State
The southern Kentucky raptors have a nasty reputation for swooping in and sinking their claws into Big Televen teams. They won a hard-fought battle against the Golden Gophers last weekend, and they have their claws sharpened to take on the East Lansing spear toters. Mark Dantonio's phalanx ran their spears through UAB last weekend, and their spears are good and sharp. Bowling Green gave up 246 rushing yards to Minnesota, and the Spartan duo of Culcrick and Ringer expect to see similar numbers. At the end of the day, it will be the birds weakness on the ground that will send them home with broken wings. Beonard's Loser: Bowling Green

Miami (OH) at Minnesota
After losing to Bowling Green last weekend, the gilded rodents would much rather stay underground rather than face anoter flock of birds. The RedHawks fly up to the Metrodome after winning a mid-air battle against the Ball State Cardinals. Tim Brewster has spent the week reinforcing his gopher hole, and the visiting team will find that there's no place to land without having an angry tunneler popping up. Beonard's Loser: Miami (OH)

Eastern Illinois at Purdue
The Panthers may have had a good meal of eagle last week, but they'll need to look closely before crossing the West Lafayette railroad tracks. Joe Tiller's locomotive survived a rocket attack unscathed, and this is their first showing in their home switchyard. Mountain lions can't do too much damage to steel, and cow catchers should have no problem catching cat. Beonard's Loser: Eastern Illinois

Notre Dame at Penn State
Charlie Weiss and his bead-jigglers spent all week thanking God for Michigan football. Had The Loss not occurred, everyone would be talking about how Georgia Tech came in and desecrated the Indiana Vatican. This weekend, they'll head east where Joe Pa's nittany kitties have set up confessional booths in Happy Valley. It might be a sin to impersonate a priest, but on Saturday night they won't care. Beonard's loser: Notre Dame

Western Illinois at Illinois
Ron Zook's tribe got roughed up by a pack of Tigers last weekend, and they'll look to heal their wounds as they defend their camp against the Leathernecks from Macomb. The 'necks eked out a win against South Dakota State, but that's a whole different game. The Chambana injuns aren't exactly the cream of the Big Televen crop, but they're powerful enough to get a scalp this weekend. Beonard's Loser: Western Illinois

Indiana at Western Michigan
When you're on the road against Directional Michigan, you're probably not a powerhouse. Bill Lynch and his Bloomington dribblers don't much care about that, they're just out to get to a December game. Western Michigan got pummeled by West Virginia, and the Hoosiers will use that to their advantage. Beonar'ds Loser: Western Michigan

Syracuse at Iowa
After a 30-point home loss to Washington last week, the Orange look to redeem themselves in Iowa. Kinnick Stadium's famed pink locker room has an effect on opponents, the home team seems to hold a distinct advantage. The Hawkeyes had a modest showing against NIU last week and the Orange don't have anything that the Huskies didn't have. Beonard's Loser: Syracuse

Wisconsin at UNLV
When Bret Bielma's Badgers land in Sin City, they'll face a Rebel squad that shot up a bunch of Texans last week. But the hometown gunslingers have a reputation for giving up a lot of yardage, and that's one thing about rodents -- they sure like to run. Wisconsin has aspirations of a national championship, and they know that what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas. Beonard's Loser: UNLV

Well, folks, that's all I've got for you this week. Check back next week when I'll have a whole 'nother list of losers.

back to the main page