Beonard's Losers

2008, Week 2

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Howdy, football fans! There are a few teams around the country that can warn you about not being ready for the start of the season. Unfortunately for your's truly, I didn't pay heed to that advice, missing a few games last week that I should have got right. There's no cause for alarm though, there's still plenty of gridiron greatness to be played, and plenty of losers for me to pick. So let's take a look at this week's games.

Ohio at Ohio State
When the Athens felines pounce into the Horseshoe on Saturday, none of the local nuts will be paying attention. The Buckeye faithful only have one thing on their minds: the speedy recovery of their star backfielder. Unfortunately for Frank Solich and company, the home team will still be a tough nut to crack. Beonard's loser: Ohio

Marshall at Wisconsin
When Mark Snyder leads his Herd into Camp Randall Stadium, he'll find a pack of rodents ready to defend their honor. It's been a long time since buffalo had free range in the midwest, and Bret Bielma has no plans of turning back the clock. Before the day is over, the field will be littered with bison carcasses. Beonard's loser: Marshall

Eastern Illinois at Illinois
Once again, the Champaign chieftans failed to scalp Missouri, so they'll look to get revenge on the Panthers stalking in from Charleston. The kittens would be happy to make it out alive with their tails, but Ron Zook just wants to collect some pelts. Beonard's loser: Eastern Illinois

Eastern Michigan at Michigan State
The Eagles are quite at home against Sycamores, but when they fly into East Lansing on Saturday, they'll find that Spartans have much better armament. Mark Dantonio and his Greek warriors are looking to avenge their loss last week, and they're not going to let some endangered species get in their way. The feathers will fly, and when the skies clear the birds will have laid an egg. Beonard's loser: Eastern Michigan

Miami (OH) at Michigan
If the RedHawks want to get back to the MAC Championship this year, a win over the wounded Wolverines would certainly get them ready to face conference competition. The boys in Ann Arbor are anxious to avoid a repeat of last year's 0-2 start, but until they learn their offense, points will be hard to come by. This game will be much closer than it should be. Beonard's loser: Miami (OH)

Florida International at Iowa
Kirk Ferentz couldn't ask for an easier opponent than the Golden Panthers. The Florida felines are 16-51 since their program began six years ago, and coming off a one-win season, they don't look to improve on that this year. Kinnick Stadium is no walk in the park, and in this case, the bird gets the better of the cat. Beonard's loser: Florida International

Northern Colorado at Purdue
Joe Tiller kicks off his last season conducting the West Lafayette locomotive when the Bears stalk in on Saturday. The Indiana choo-choo has never quite recovered from the heartbreaking season in 2004, but they'll have no problems clearing the tracks this weekend. Fortunately for the visitors, they'll have a nice long ride back to Greely to tend to their wounds. Beonard's loser: Northern Colorado

Brigham Young at Washington
The Huskies almost had something special going last year, but the dogsled came undone. On Saturday, a very nervous Ty Willingham will try to keep his job against Bronco Mendenhall and his Provo prowlers. The Cougars fared well against the cats of Northern Iowa last week, and look to try some dog meat this weekend. The Pacific puppies can bark all they want, but they'll still end up with their tails between their legs. Beonard's loser: Washington

San Diego State at Notre Dame
Offensive genius Charlie Weis hopes to start this season off with a win -- something that took six tries to get last season. Fortunately for the Pope's players, the first opponent this year are the Aztecs from the middle of the Mountain West pack. The Catholic church has a long history of converting the Indians, and by the time Chuck Long and company leave the Indiana Vatican, they'll have added the Hail Mary to their playbook. Beonard's loser: San Diego State

Northwestern at Duke
The Durham demons possessed the Wildcats last year, disrupting their promising start. When Pat Fitzgerald leads his kittens into Wallace Wade Stadium on Saturday, he'll keep their flea collars on tight: apparently those work against evil spirits as well as unwelcome insects. Duke is the punchline to more than a few jokes in college football, but when this game is over, the purple felines will be the only ones laughing. Beonard's loser: Duke

Murray State at Indiana
Bill Lynch lead his team to several unusual victories last season, and the Bloomington believers would like to see even more this year. They'll be pleased when Murray State races into Basketballtown. The Racers may have lambasted Lambuth, but they won't be able to keep the Hoopcity boys from defending the rock. Beonard's loser: Murray State

Miami at Florida
My how times have changed. Do you remember when this was a game to get excited about? With a real-life hurricane potentially on the horizon, a wet game may happen, but a close one won't. Don't tell Ma Nature, but reptiles can take a bite out of cyclones. Beonard's loser: Miami

Well folks, that's all I've got for you this week. Tune in again next week when I'll have a whole 'nother batch of losers.

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