Beonard's Losers

2008, Week 3

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Howdy, football fans! It's easy to not miss any calls when the games are so obvious. Of course, nobody told the officials in the Pac-10 about how easy it can be to not screw up. I won't belabor the point, but I'll just say that right now, I hold that crew in lower esteem than politicians. Enough of this distraction, though, let's take a look at this week's games.

Kansas at South Florida
When Mark Mangino leads his flock into Raymond James Stadium on Friday, he'll look to sink his talons into the back of the Tampa Bay bovine. The Bulls couldn't get it done in regulation last week, and they'll need to sharpen their horns if they want to gore the Kansas birds. In a close game like this, Beonard says you should always pick the home team. Beonard's loser: Kansas

Southern Illinois at Northwestern
Beonard's pillow fight this week comes to you from Ryan Field, where Pat Fitzgerald's kittens take on the Carbondale canines. The Salukis have beaten 1-A opponents in each of the last two years, and want to make it a threepeat in Evanston. The purple felines have allowed 30 points in their two victories so far, but the pups surrendered 31 to Hampton last week. Beonard's loser: Southern Illinois

Florida Atlantic at Michigan State
The Owls fly into East Lansing on Saturday, looking to move to 2-0 against unranked teams. The Spartans, meanwhile, would like to go undefeated at home. Both teams got their loss on the road, and that won't change in week 3. Beonard's loser: Florida Atlantic

Montana State at Minnesota
The gilded rodents play host to the Bobcats from the Big Sky conference. Doubling last season's win count isn't enough for Tim Brewster and company. They want to triple it this weekend. Considering that Montana State gave up 69 points to K-State last weekend, that shouldn't be a problem. Beonard's loser: Montana State

Iowa State at Iowa
The Cy-Hawk trophy has belonged to the home team the past four years, which bodes well for the Iowa City fowl. Neither team has faced what you would call a legitimate opponent, so it's hard to take a stab at this one. The Kinnick Stadium flock have only allowed three points so far, and the Cyclones will be hard-pressed to spin through that defense. Beonard's loser: Iowa State

East Carolina at Tulane
The hottest team in football will raid the Superdome under the leadership of Captain Skip Holtz. The buccaneers are used to being on the water, and there's nothing the Green Wave can do to capsize this Pirate ship. Beonard's loser: Tulane

Georgia at South Carolina
The Athens canines leave their kennel for the first time on Saturday when they head into Williams-Brice Stadium for their conference opener. The Carolina chickens have already lost their first conference game. Georgia has averaged over 50 points per game so far, and they'll take a bite out of the Gamecocks this weekend. Mmm, tastes like chicken. Beonard's loser: South Carolina

Oregon at Purdue
The Indiana locomotive got a good head of steam going last week, and will look to add some more coal to the fire when the Ducks fly into Ross-Ade Stadium. Mike Bellotti's fowl have been speedy on both sides of the ball, including running up at least 40 points in both of their first two games. Trains may weigh more than birds, but this week the avians cause a de-railment. Beonard's loser: Purdue

Penn State at Syracuse
Joe Paterno will try to pass Bobby Bowden in career wins when he leads his Pennsylvania felines into the Carrier Dome. The Orange have been squeezed twice already including a 20-point loss to Northwestern. Cats like toys, and every pet owner knows what a good toy round objects make. Beonard's loser: Syracuse

Michigan at Notre Dame
The last time the Wolverines were in the Indiana Vatican, they hung 47 points on the Papal prodigies. Times have changed, and so has the Michigan coach. Charlie Weis has prayed extra hard after last season's purgatory, and the beadwork will pay off on Saturday. Beonard's loser: Michigan

Oklahoma at Washington
Ty Willingham's bid to keep his job took a beating from some loser officiating last week, and he'll try to make his case when Bob Stoops rolls his wagon train into Husky Stadium. The Sooners have scored at least 50 points in their first two games, and when they hit the trail they'll just keep on rolling. Beonard's loser: Washington

Ohio State at USC
Jim Tressel was nearly scared out of his sweater vest last weekend when Ohio lead the first three quarters. He'll have to reinforce the seams when he leads his nuts into Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum. Troy demolished Virginia and got two weeks to prepare for the visiting acorns. This will be a battle royale, but the Buckeyes get cracked this weekend. Beonard's loser: Ohio State

Bowling Green at Boise State
When Gregg Brandon lands his birds on the blue turf at Bronco Stadium, he'll find an equine welcome party ready to stomp off a few feathers. The Falcons have gained a reputation as upset-makers, but with the horses having better stats on both sides of the ball, that will be a stretch even for them. The Ohio birds will fly home, but only because the Broncos will give them a swift kick. Beonard's loser: Bowling Green

Wisconsin at Fresno State
Something didn't seem right when Marshall went up by two touchdowns in Camp Randall Stadium. We know now that the Badgers were just giving them a sporting chance, but they won't be able to get away with a soft start on Saturday. Fresno State is eyeing a BCS bowl this year, and they welcome the chance to take on Bret Bielma and company in Bulldog Stadium. The doggy defense will need to have their best game of the season, but if they can shut down the cheeseheads running game, they'll come out on top. Beonard's loser, in an upset: Wisconsin

Well gridiron geeks, my brain is tuckered out. Come back again next week when I'll have another crop of losers.

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